No Need

Focused on the things I thought I needed.

As if I'd die without them.

Desperately grasping around me,

and everyone loved.

I saw it everywhere I looked,

happiness for all.

But for me, only sadness seemed destined.

I held on to that notion for so fucking long.

Breaking away from myself,

bit by bit,

day by day.

Until I saw what I had achieved by this.

I denied myself my full potential.

I was held back by nobody,

but myself.

No more need to hold on

to petty feelings.

Last Light

I used to love her,

every minute of every day.

I stared at the fading light,

the days inevitable end.

Never did I dare to compare it 

to what we had.

But everything ends beyond our will.

So sometimes I ask myself

can I grow beyond myself?

Is it possible to attain this fabled happiness,

and let go the things that hold me down?

All these questions never get any answers.

Only diversions draws my attention away 

for a few moments.

I shouldn't be disappointed when no one comes.

Blinded

I sit and wait 

for the day to be blinded.

Blinded by the light,

the sun shining on my face.

I can't recall anything but the night,

leaving me abandoned in the dark...

Have I forgotten what it feels like

to love?

I'm lost and alone in my head

and I can't make sense of myself.

I need to find a simple way

to make this pain just disappear.

I know I'll never feel 

safe in my own skin.

Torn Apart

To tear you from my heart

is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Letting go of the past,

the best years of my life,

is so much harder than I thought.

I never thought I would want to let you go.

But if I don't I'd be lost in a life of doubt and regret.

So what is there left for me now?

Except for the material things around me.

It's the little things that drag me down,

down to the ground.

I stare at the time,

and I realize ,

it's never been a friend of mine...

Bitter Change

I have been sleepwalking in this nightmare,

the dreams they hurt my soul.

I awake only to realize

I am missing the past.

And it seems I just can't let it go,

even though I know it's all long gone.

All her feelings, everything we had

lies in a distant past.

I recall the bitter change.

The day she planted the seed of doubt in my head.

How badly it hurt.

It still haunts me to this day,

as my head still refuses to let go.

These feelings of loss

still rip the heart out of me.

Deprived

I always want what I can never get.

Defeated I stand in my life,

always deprived from the things that matter the most to me.

I feel empty and miserable,

but everyone always see me smile.

I scream but no one hears me.

I'm so far out of sight.

I see my life lived in a lie,

and stand powerless aside.

It fills me with anger towards myself.

How have I become such a coward?

Unable to live my life like I should.

I spit on myself and all that I want.

So I just turn my back and walk away.

Encumbered Ego

Why am I encumbered by this useless ego?
It seems like it thinks that I'm the centre of attention,
that all revolves around me.
This life that I'm living isn't special at all
so why would anybody care?
It sickens me to think about it.
How I think people try to tell me things,
while they have their own problems and lifes.
So I read and write creating this lie I tell myself.
And I'm too blind to see
that I'm deceiving no one but me.
Does this make me bad?
Or could there be some truth to my lies?
So many questions are being raised everyday,
while I'm missing the point of this life of mine.
I seem to have lost the ability to pursue my happiness.