Contained fear

Fearfully sitting on the edge of the bridge.
Lone like a bottle inthe sand, with a silent
message inside.
Like the past, unable to control this immobile reality.
Don't want to live in a vicious circle, repeating
my past life again.
Anxiety spreading like the sea over the sand.
Afraid that it might happen again. Another situation
but the same pain like a mindnumbing drug,
tearing on my feelings.
How can I ever doubt my feelings for you?
How can I interpret your signs as often you don't
know yourself?
I must contain my fear, myself. Just
realized I can never win...

Just breathin'

Lonesome studying this irrelevant matter.
Concentrating on the dull theories posed long ago
by a person long deceased.
How can I work when I mentally dwell far
away from my desk.
Missing something, someone,
you.
When you're away, how can I live?
When I'm without you, I'm not living
but merely breathing.
Breathing to survive and waiting for the moment.
The moment when we can rejoin eachother, in
a warm embrace.
All I want to say is that I belong with you...

Sole purpose

It's tough livin' in this situation.
Constantly balancing on one foot,
on a thin line between homes.
Weighing my acts and deeds and thinking
3 steps ahead.
Yet it's easy to slip and become blamed. Getting
discredit when just living my life.
Laughed at my principals, feeling shamefull
for what I am.
Too lazy, not helpfull, a failure or whatever.
Gotta watch my step.
Trying to stop the fighting over and over again
But it seems so useless.
Threats and insults flying by, no way to stop the
words.
Pointless quarreling with sole purpose of
hurting. We can't take it anymore.

Blanket

Release me from these strains.
Unwind me from the sorrow and free me.
I need you to pick me up and cover me with your arms.
Bring back the warmth that I miss when we are apart.
I don't want to put all the stress on your head. But when
seperated I don't feel at ease. All the systems of my organs
seem to breathe for you.
This blanket lays on me but yet I don't feel warm inside,
where all I do is missing you.
I pray for the day that we're together again. Hope that
it'll be soon.
These minutes pass and fill the day and yet it seems that everything
fades. Wanna sleep in your warmth and give you my heart.
The heart that's yours 4ever and a day.
Please come out and play...

(Dedicated to *)

Zpecial letter 2 my hunni

Words fail to describe
how it feels.
It's just unspeakable, undescribable what we share every day of our
lives. I don't know what to say but I don't have to when I'm with
you, Cuz you feel me, understand in a mystical way what I want
to let you know.
You know what and who I am, while I know who you are. As
simple as it seems this still goes deep.
From paranormal gifts to thinking the same thoughts, wanting to say
the same thing.
It's supernatural and untouchable, lonely we stand together at the top
of the world while watching the others who admire us.
Admire us for what we have. Never any fights over stupid little things,
compromising is the key. A key that we hold savely in our handz.
My heart speaks a language, a language which is universal but is heard
way too little in this world so cold.
I'll never let you go, never let it slip for I do not desire a cold life.
Take this bottle of heartz and treasure it like it was my heart. See
my endlezz love for you...

To My TiNy LiTTLe STaR

Patience

It's been a while since I left my message. Don't know if
it came through to you, if it reached you to tell what I wanted
to let you know.
I feel so familiar inside, an anxiety which warms me.
I wait in patience, because I know that this fear is not founded.
I know that you love me, you just have to. I don't want
to find out again what it feels like to be on my own again.
Like the mouse says: "you're my world, my ev'rything". Each day
again as I sit here far away from where I want to be.
This feeling fades but still I didn't hear from you.
I sit here at the desk staring at this book while dreaming of you.
Waiting...
for your words.

Left

Why has life been unfair to us once more? Taken you from us
all of the sudden. You seemed getting better and didn't think of giving up.
But now you're gone and the vast void overwhelms me. The
silence is deafening.
Still hear your steps when the silence closes in on me.
No one's there.
I know you're at the door waiting...
You're not gone, you'll be back any minute, I'm waiting,
but no one's there.
You're gone to a better life without pain and suffering, sitting
next to god and watching down on us. Still loving us
like you used to.
Wish I could see you even if it were for one more time. Once
in my arms again, like the first time we met.
The tears can't wash away all the love as the memories
come back to us. It hurts so bad now that you're gone,
everything reminds us of you.
Inherent in everything we do...
We've closed you in our hearts and you'll never fade.
As we go to sleep we'll leave the door open so that you can
kiss us goodnight...

Mickey (R.I.P. 22-3-2003)