Paranoia

Why am I so worried these weeks? Scared
of the one thing that I fear most.
Can't lose you. The very thought makes me cry.
Cut my skin when I feel insecure, watch the
flesh heal 'till the scars appear.
Something's changed in you. Like you're holding back on
me, it makes me doubt on myself. I remember
when nothing mattered, that your love overwhelmed me.
When I could drown in the sweet words you sent me.
Time seems to have changed, deformed into something I
don't recognize anymore.
Will I ever feel your body next to me again, while sleeping
or hugging...
When I need to miss you, my mind plays tricks on me. No
wonder that I don't feel right. Start maiming myself in the
head and skin. I don't wanna feel lonely, just want
some love and certainty in this life of mine.
This selfish life which doesn't deserve your love.
People around me get hurt and I don't want to rejoin
them. Shake off this paranoia and return back to my
senses. I wanna renew my vow. Renew
my unconditional love.

Twinkle

Packed clouds drift over the evening
sky. Passing eachother, revealing
the dark of night.
Among the first stars one small
light shines brightly on my world.
Twinkling as if it were only
for me. Enlighting the surrounding
clouds.
The tiny star watching down over
me as I carry on with life. Seperated
from my love. The little star gives
me hope during the tough times of
seeing her in my dreams.

Winter wonderland

That time of the year,
when the snow starts to fall and
the world is covered in a white blanket.
The sneering cold turning your breath
to smoke. I hear the ice hitting
the windowpane.
Been snowing for hours, the night's
so bright.
That I can't sleep, or is it something bothering
me. Diluting my mind, shivering as tears
come to my eyes. Sitting here in the depths
of solitude. Waiting for her...

Claire

How hard it is to miss you.
Never really got the chance to really
say goodbye, say how much I really
love you. It's been
so many years since you left. Sometimes
I think of you, come to visit you at the
graveyard. So serene along with so many
others.
Think back to the times you looked after us.
Together with grandpa, sleepovers while feeling
loved by the many years of wisdom.
You never let your head down, suffered so much
from the chemo and yet making the most out
of it. Always kept a smile on your face, never
thinking of quiting or giving up.
Why did the disease wear you down?
Live's not fair as it took you from us.
It ripped the world from under us...

Weak

Powerless, waking in a pool of despair.
Not knowing what to do to undo the tragedy
that happened to you.
This horrible act of violence which you
had to endure. After such long time of
conscious intoxication, getting worse
by letting go. Needing that door to mental
escape. Victims never asked for pain.
Why must things be this way?
Contemplating the things to take revenge,
to make the violator pay for his acts but nothing
possible comes to surface.
Brooding for days while my heart bleeds
with yours. Hoping you'll get by and pick
up your life. Praying that
it'll be beautiful for the rest of it.

(Dedicated to Britt)

Shame

Been so long, trying to hide
this shame so deep inside.
Seemingly meaningless events which takes
to my core.
My dark little secrets which no one's
supposed to know.
Strongly resent thinking about it. Replaying
the whole event in my head.
Years have past and I tried to erase the
past. Broke the last links with what
I want to forget.
Physically malfunctioning for years because
of the mental paranoia.
If I could only forget and move on.

Lust

So close near you, feeling your silky skin.
Makes me crawl inside from time to time.
Your soft touch filling me with desire,
desire for you and nobody else.
Run my fingers through your hair. Touching
your lips and following your curves.
It's so natural, the burning need to get
close to you.
Gently working our way, giving in to lust as
the moment takes us up.
Up to where we like to be, cure for what
troubles us, taking it all away.