Nothing to gain

Thinking of lost memories. Faded feelings which
were replaced by others. People I knew and friends
came and left. Wrong decisions and hatred resulted
into fights. Filled with rage, forgetting about
rational thinking I acted foolish. There was
nothing to gain.
Regrets take control and tears are shed.
Nothing but chaos. Losing my mind over some
unworthy bitches. Blaming myself,
taking the pain to another level. A pain so
intense I broke, barely surviving.
Collected my shattered remains and started all over.
Forgot about the past turned my heart into this cold black rock.
Continued life with the constant threat from outside.
The pain remained and reminded me of myself as a being.
Even though I wasn't that bad I got beaten down more than
once. Making me hate myself.
Good for nothing, a piece of shit, just another nobody.
I was led down by a spiral. Looking at my own end
and actually happy to see it. To know that it would
all be over soon.
But than you came into my life. At first I didn't
really noticed it. I was too busy with myself, with
my pain. But everytime I saw you something changed.
I didn't knew it then but when you told me I saw you
were right.You showed me my good side told me that I was
a nice guy. I couldn't believe it. That someone actually
didn't hurt me because of what I was.
I realized that since a long time I felt an inner peace.
I loved you for what you did. Never gonna forget what you achieved.
I still love you. Even when you hurt
me sometimes. Beating me into the ground with what you say.
Then I return to that world of infinite pain and blame
myself. Hoping for you to heal my wounds.
Tired of all the fighting. It destroys more than you'll
ever know. I never wanna hurt you.
Love me like I love You.

Dedicated to britt.