Intoxicated Slumber

All my senses are pulled down
into an intoxicated slumber.
All I can think about is this.
The one thing that makes my skin crawl
just to think about it.
And to know that it was my own actions that led to
this current situation.
It just messes with my mind.
So I try to remain calm,
And tell myself it's for their own happiness.
Who am I to doubt what they have and do?
Am I not the architect of all of this?
Have I not unwillingly set all of this in motion
so many years ago?
I just have to take a step aside
in my head and let things be.
And try not to think about it.
All this alcohol will momentarily set me free...