Summer Night

I remember her

gently falling asleep in her parents bed.

Just so she could be near me,

afraid of being without me.

I heard her softly breathing while I tried...

I tried to study the night through,

though failed miserably.

Her presence filled the room,

fills my thoughts all these years later.

I always pretended to live a life without regrets,

and yet I know it to be a blatant lie.

All the things I told myself to cope 

with the consequences of my own choices.

How hard I tried to deceive myself,

it was never enough to diminish my feelings.

Fearful

I'll stay here,

waiting for a way out of this mess.

And I find this hard to confess,

that every time we meet,

you still swipe me off my feet.

And I saw this coming,

couldn't be running away from this.

These feelings I have still

fill me top to bottom. 

So it has been ten years,

since that time full of fears.

Where I trembled for your loss,

yet it was all my fault.

And I feel guilty.

Shackles

Occasionally I feel like the world
around is crashing down upon me.
But I smile and hide the pain.
I can not deny
what I would do
for memories that wouldn't
keep me up at night.
What I would do
if only to see a better life than this.
Sometimes I wonder
if there's a point in all of this.
No matter how good I try to be,
it seems to be of no difference.
I can never seem to shake these shackles.

Empty

Could anybody look me in the eye
and tell me how I’m feeling?
I can’t tell if there’s anything left,
I’m so tired.
There’s this fire within me,
burning away,
leaving me
with nothing.
I'm so tired of this self-deceit
when I'm trying so hard
to get back upon my feet.
The cracks begin to show.
I never chose to live
a life like this.

Cold Heart

Why can't you look, why can't you look at me,
see what I see.
Everybody told me not to fall.
I'm tired of trying on a new skin.
I cannot control this,
this feelin that's left in my heart.
I've never done no wrong,
I don't deserve these bones.
There's no one left but me,
and I'm not even here…
All the world loves things of beauty and intrigue,
these two things I've never had one.
My eyes can't behold it.
I'll take the world blow it away,
send all your hopes to outer space.
Now the sun won't shine on me,
now the rain won't even fall.
I waste away from all the pain,
for you I'd kill myself again.
Now that the love has gone away,
too blind to see my way to live.
No one ever taught me how to fall.
All the love you have disintegrates,
all that saved you was your apathy
Now the sun has gone away,
and all the love you have is gone.
No one showed me any hope,
and everyone loves.

Dead Soul

Fell again,
broken and weary,
unable to just let this go.
Even though my love desintegrates,
some part of me lingers on to hope.
I'm cold, alone.
I'm just a person on my own.
I know you can not give
what you don't have.
Can not feel what isn't there.
Nothing means a thing to me,
nothing left to dream about.
So I fell again,
on to the demise of my soul.

Sweet Slumber

I am floating in this room,
here with her on my mind.
The sweetest dreams fall over me.
Vast asleep nothing can pull me from my slumber.
Safely protected by the soft sheets,
the thoughts of her keep me warm.
There's a cold storm raging outside the window,
but it can not phase me.
I'm somewhere else entirely,
I'm right where I want to be.
She lies right next to me.
I know it's all a beautiful dream,
but one I know can be real.