Twinkle

Packed clouds drift over the evening
sky. Passing eachother, revealing
the dark of night.
Among the first stars one small
light shines brightly on my world.
Twinkling as if it were only
for me. Enlighting the surrounding
clouds.
The tiny star watching down over
me as I carry on with life. Seperated
from my love. The little star gives
me hope during the tough times of
seeing her in my dreams.

Winter wonderland

That time of the year,
when the snow starts to fall and
the world is covered in a white blanket.
The sneering cold turning your breath
to smoke. I hear the ice hitting
the windowpane.
Been snowing for hours, the night's
so bright.
That I can't sleep, or is it something bothering
me. Diluting my mind, shivering as tears
come to my eyes. Sitting here in the depths
of solitude. Waiting for her...

Claire

How hard it is to miss you.
Never really got the chance to really
say goodbye, say how much I really
love you. It's been
so many years since you left. Sometimes
I think of you, come to visit you at the
graveyard. So serene along with so many
others.
Think back to the times you looked after us.
Together with grandpa, sleepovers while feeling
loved by the many years of wisdom.
You never let your head down, suffered so much
from the chemo and yet making the most out
of it. Always kept a smile on your face, never
thinking of quiting or giving up.
Why did the disease wear you down?
Live's not fair as it took you from us.
It ripped the world from under us...

Weak

Powerless, waking in a pool of despair.
Not knowing what to do to undo the tragedy
that happened to you.
This horrible act of violence which you
had to endure. After such long time of
conscious intoxication, getting worse
by letting go. Needing that door to mental
escape. Victims never asked for pain.
Why must things be this way?
Contemplating the things to take revenge,
to make the violator pay for his acts but nothing
possible comes to surface.
Brooding for days while my heart bleeds
with yours. Hoping you'll get by and pick
up your life. Praying that
it'll be beautiful for the rest of it.

(Dedicated to Britt)

Shame

Been so long, trying to hide
this shame so deep inside.
Seemingly meaningless events which takes
to my core.
My dark little secrets which no one's
supposed to know.
Strongly resent thinking about it. Replaying
the whole event in my head.
Years have past and I tried to erase the
past. Broke the last links with what
I want to forget.
Physically malfunctioning for years because
of the mental paranoia.
If I could only forget and move on.

Lust

So close near you, feeling your silky skin.
Makes me crawl inside from time to time.
Your soft touch filling me with desire,
desire for you and nobody else.
Run my fingers through your hair. Touching
your lips and following your curves.
It's so natural, the burning need to get
close to you.
Gently working our way, giving in to lust as
the moment takes us up.
Up to where we like to be, cure for what
troubles us, taking it all away.

Wasted years

Resuscitating my strange life with
a bitter feeling. Resent the periods of
pain and down depressions.
The agony I willingly suffered, made
it me.
Bittered and bleary living my life.
Not doing anything to gain a newfound
happyness. Waiting for past love to relive.
So many wasted years, dreaming of something
so distant and yet all around.
Wasn't hard to fail, yet not easy to win.
Looking in vain, beneath the black ice.
Deep in the cold liquid, surrounding me
while drifting away.

Unknown

Back in the days, still so young and unsoiled.
Too pure and innocent and so very
unknown.
Feeling the need for humain contact, a whisper,
a silent touch.
Searching for love while finding
nothing
but solitude.
A shadow in the mass, so very uncool
and trite. Lonely watching at the others
lifes. Looking and learning this untold truth.
So good, so boring, another nobody standing
alone in the middle of the crowd.

1st kiss

Memories and past feelings seeping back
in my mind. Brought back by
a scent long forgotten. The scent of her
lips on mine, leaving a subtle trace.
Years have past and bonds have weakened.
Still the memories lie deep within waiting
to be recollected.
Way back when it seemed I'd never forget it.
Bleeding on the past events, swearing to hold
on to...
Holding on to nothing, empty promises and strong
feelings all in vain.
Thinking on how it was, how it felt. To kiss for
the very first time...

Who 2 be?

Who can I be?
How can I be?
Trying to be everything you want me to.
Contradicting myself, feeling confused. Deprived
from your touch, not knowing who to be.
Changing my mind to fit the mold, trying to
satisfy, not trying to fold.
Feeling so weak and powerless, unable to hide
my emotions.
They're crawling out, like a snake from
underneath a rock. Venomous to myself and
my confidence in me.
Coming clean with you and my own.
Reassuring my life with your understanding.

Surfacing signs

This ill feeling creeps on my gut.
Feels like something's wrong and it takes on
my body to show.
To surface in an emotional state of the mind.
What if I don't want to know, don't want to know
what's going on in your head.
Afraid of what might be inside, the uncertainty
which resides in you.
Little signs that uncover that doubt. An doubt
concerning our future.
Hope that I'm mistaking, that the paranoia
finally got me.
That there's nothing to fear and nothing and
everything to lose.
Doubtless carrying on to our bright future,
Wherein giving you all you need.

Contained fear

Fearfully sitting on the edge of the bridge.
Lone like a bottle inthe sand, with a silent
message inside.
Like the past, unable to control this immobile reality.
Don't want to live in a vicious circle, repeating
my past life again.
Anxiety spreading like the sea over the sand.
Afraid that it might happen again. Another situation
but the same pain like a mindnumbing drug,
tearing on my feelings.
How can I ever doubt my feelings for you?
How can I interpret your signs as often you don't
know yourself?
I must contain my fear, myself. Just
realized I can never win...

Just breathin'

Lonesome studying this irrelevant matter.
Concentrating on the dull theories posed long ago
by a person long deceased.
How can I work when I mentally dwell far
away from my desk.
Missing something, someone,
you.
When you're away, how can I live?
When I'm without you, I'm not living
but merely breathing.
Breathing to survive and waiting for the moment.
The moment when we can rejoin eachother, in
a warm embrace.
All I want to say is that I belong with you...

Sole purpose

It's tough livin' in this situation.
Constantly balancing on one foot,
on a thin line between homes.
Weighing my acts and deeds and thinking
3 steps ahead.
Yet it's easy to slip and become blamed. Getting
discredit when just living my life.
Laughed at my principals, feeling shamefull
for what I am.
Too lazy, not helpfull, a failure or whatever.
Gotta watch my step.
Trying to stop the fighting over and over again
But it seems so useless.
Threats and insults flying by, no way to stop the
words.
Pointless quarreling with sole purpose of
hurting. We can't take it anymore.